I met with a woman today about her retirement account. 60 years old, no retirement funds set aside, suffering from severe depression and deeply unhappy with her physical and mental self. She expects to be dead in 5 years.

I asked her if she knew what she was supposed to do to get better. She said she did, but couldn't seem to get started.

I remember a talk from a pain specialist who dealt with pain that had no medical explanation. He said he only took clients who answered yes to the following question:
"Would you be willing to change every part of your life if it meant you could live without pain?"

I thought of that today with my client. She was unwilling to make the changes that could help her. Somewhere she was content with her inner pain.

When I think about sacrifice, I wonder how resistant I am to make the changes that could make me healthier spiritually.

I'm in Seattle for the weekend and will fill in the missing days on Sunday evening.

Sacrifice. I really dislike the concept. I want to win, to compete, to force my will on that which is around me.

I think I have always been afraid of both sacrifice and success. Each has its own demands and, I suppose, they are more related than not.

Sacrifice is all about death. I've always been way more comfortable with the maternity ward. To spend a month thinking about how sacrifice is going to change me feels all uphill.

On top of that, it's February in Oregon. Rain, gray days, depressing, wet, cold. It all fits with my expectation.

Good thing it's a short month. Good thing the sun shines every once in a while. Good thing I spent the afternoon on a plane above the clouds - above what I see on this level, I found that the Son is always shining. No typo there, He really is!

It might even be a powerful month.

Thirty days of thinking about mercy. I have been thinking about this subject more and more, as I should. I have noticed a marked increase in being conscious of a tenderness within.

I still have far to go. I know that some would see admitting this as a sign of weakness somehow. It doesn't matter to me as much anymore, but all the same, I am coming to realize that there is a strength in recognizing how far I am from perfect.

It is a strength that comes through character development. It is far easier to think I am doing well when I am not as well as I should or could be. Character development has to begin in truth. Truth known leads to clarity. Clarity opens awareness to what is yet needed.

Knowing what is needed is really freeing if I have a sense anywhere that it is attainable.

This journey is a journey of attainment. Seeking God in daily thinking about a concept in His Word. Believing that this thinking will lead to renewal. Trusting that there will be transformation through renewal of my mind.

Not so focused on my lack as on His ability to meet my lack once I am aware of it and submit it to Him for filling. Mercy has been a lack. Now I await His transforming power through living sacrifice.

"In His great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead," I Peter 1: 3

There are days when the idea of new birth and a living hope seem so far from reality that I am tempted to wonder about the whole thing. Kind of like living in Oregon in the middle of the winter when the rain has been my constant companion seemingly forever.

But, if I am trusting, He brings that hope to my heart at my greatest moment of need. Without fail, in mercy, His Holy Spirit offers the remembrance of the moment of new birth to my heart. And I am renewed. Re-energized. Revitalized.

My day is going to be spent in business meetings and an understanding of His mercy in birthing new hope to my life will come often to my mind because I will need it to.