March 5
We eventually all get transformed. In Star Trek, they went to the "transformer room" to get beamed up to somewhere else. When I am done on this earth I will get "beamed up" to another location my own self.

I don't think that's the goal. I don't want to wait until then to become what I ought to be or should be. I want to be transformed here - while I am "working out my own salvation with fear and trembling".

Why do I want it while I am still here? So I can gloat about how great I have become? To make others aware of my "coolness"? What is my real motivation to want or think I deserve something better? Am I seeking some kind of peace regarding the messes of my past?

I want to "want to" be transformed so I can follow God's call and fulfil His purpose in and for me. I have to analyze my motives to see if there is something less than that at my core and by itself keeping me from my goal. His calling has to be my main mission.
The main thing is for the main thing to become the main thing.

March 6
Yeah, I know - transporter room - transformer room didn't quite sound right. But, the idea is the same. We have to go through a re-formation in order to get where we are going.

I watched TransAmerica with Paula recently. Not for kids or new Christians - too many questions, I think. Paula wanted to see it for her counseling practice and wanted me to see it with her.

As I watched, I couldn't help but think of the comparisons. "Transgendered" man looking to become the woman he always longed to be on a trans-country trip with the son he didn't know he had and who didn't know was his dad. There was radical change here - one that would forever change his sense of himself and his world.

I am looking for a transformation that completes the journey I am on to become a partaker of the Divine. That ultimate change won't happen until I leave this body and my soul takes flight to whatever waits for me on the other side. Until then, I am in the process of being transformed by renewing my mind.

My mind must make itself ready for that ultimate change. In this case, not a change to be what God never intended, but, instead, a process of learning how to be, so I can become the person God had in mind. A fully realized human as Adam was originally created to be. In communion with the God whose image is my destiny. That's real transformation.

March 7
I saw another show tonight about transformation. What a difference! This one was called "Miracle Workers" and took disabled people and gave them the latest in medical "miracles" to restore their lives.
What if God could do that in my life? Well, He did. He forgave my sins and sent His Holy Spirit to work in me.

The people in the show still had to take the medical "miracle" and live in such a way that it could be of best use for them.

I am called to accept God's spiritual miracle and live in such a way that it might be of true use for me and others and God.

This is where I am. Saved, the biggest change a miracle for sure; yet called to work with God to finish what He has begun in me.
Called to be transformed by renewing my mind - the working out of the miracle of salvation.

March 8
II Corinthians 3 talks about how, when we give ourselves to Jesus, God takes away the covering that keeps us from seeing Him clearly.

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's Glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

When Moses went to the mountain to get the Commandments from God, he would return with a glow of God's Spirit on his face. Then he would cover his face so that the people would not see God's glory fade.

With God's Holy Spirit in our hearts at our invitation, we find we are filled with His glory. We begin to glow with that glory so others can see something about us that is not us. What an opportunity is ours to truly find a radiance that arises from our transformed souls and shines to a world in need of any light.

"Transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory" - that is our call this year, our expectation, our hope and assurance.

March 9
I find I change the quickest when traumatic events occur. The most dramatic change in my life came as a result of a very public exposure of a personal weakness. There were some habits that changed overnight and have not been even a temptation since.

But that change is specific and difficult. I am not eager to have to go through that difficulty again. I also want a more generic change - one that impacts the core of who I am.

I want to see myself clearly in those areas where I have thinking errors. They come from childhood, from early and incorrect processing of ideas and events. It is a shock when I learn that what I had thought all of my life is different than reality. I have been so sure that what I have processed is correct and what I think to be true is true.

Transformation requires opening up to the possibility of change - of relearning attitudes, concepts and ideas. Of recognizing that God's grace is balanced by His justice, my call to be perfect is trumped by His joy as my Father, my ideas of pleasure overwhelmed by His gifts of fulfillment.

So much to unlearn, relearn and understand. Such a mirage to cut through to see clearly the real oasis available through His All-Sufficiency.

March 10
Transformed does not mean covered over. It is snowing outside tonight and I am reminded of the argument that Jesus' blood covers our sins like snow covers a pile of manure.

A wise saint once said that the truth is that instead of covering our sin and leaving it there in a pile underneath, Jesus takes our life - earth and manure - and tills it all together so that the end result is an even more fertile soil.

To be transformed is to be tilled together so that what has gone before has had the poisons removed and the remaining waste is worked into what we were and the result is even more useful to Him.

My renewed mind is not erased regarding the sins and consequences of my past, but instead, in God's mercy and grace, transformed to a wiser, life-experienced guide for others who wish to avoid my pain.
Only God could take my mess and plant something valuable to Him. Something that in it's very growing alters the chemistry of my soil - bringing glory to His Name.

March 11
I am to be transformed by renewing my mind. Mind-numbingly thinking about the same concept for a month at a time. Day after day. There are times it seems overwhelming to think about something new or fresh regarding the concept.

Yet, transformation is done best in increments. Weight loss, muscle building, knowledge learned, relationships built, are all done best piece by piece. The Bible says precept on precept we come to the knowledge of God's will and plan for our lives.

So, daily, consistently I think and write about transformation. Knowing that in so doing I am accomplishing what I write.

Truthfully, there is so much that will be left unsaid when this month is over. I am just beginning to understand the depths of change. My ability to be vulnerable, my awareness of my dysfunctions, my openness to what is able to be transformed, all are deep beneath defensive positions years in the building.

As I give each day time to contemplate change, change is brought closer to the surface - more likely to be accomplished.

March 12
By God's mercy I am to become a living sacrifice as my reasonable service in order to be transformed in my mind and not conformed to the culture of this world.

Only by God's mercy can I find that place of sacrifice. Only in that place of sacrifice can I find transformation in the renewal of my minds. Only a renewed mind can discern the pattern of this world.

Not a paranoid isolationism from anything that is in the world, but a mature understanding of where to avoid the world and where to impact my world.

Once I begin to connect with my transformed, renewed mind, I develop a clear understanding of what God's will is - His good, acceptable and perfect will.

Then I can enjoy living as God intended. Not a life of uncertainty regarding His will, but a life of Godly confidence in His leading and direction.

I will not find perfection in this, but there are times of great assurance. I feel it already beginning and am looking forward to more.

March 1
"And be not conformed to this world, but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind."

To conform to something is to mold to it. To take its shape, its characteristics, its attitude and style. I am being constantly enticed to adopt the ideals of this world. My call is not to conform to it.

The concept is pretty simple. The execution is not.

When I was a child, I grew up in a home that was all about separation from the world. Our church's founder stated "Anything that is popular is surely not holiness." We weren't in any way allowed to be like "the world", yet under the pristine surface, sin still called and attitudes were messed up. If separation was how not to conform, we would have been gold medal winners in being alone.

The call this month on my thinking is to examine what it means to be transformed in my mind rather than conformed by the world. My sacrificed heart will work on it.

March 2
Conformed means "formed along with" something. Transformed means "formed across to" something. We are called not to be formed along with a world that is degenerating, but to be formed across the span from earth to heaven.

Conformed to the world means habituating ourselves to the pattern of the world's decay, following the Fall from the Garden of Eden on its downward spiral to Hell.

Transformed by renewing our minds means reclaiming the relationship God once had with Adam and Eve, walking and talking with them in the joy of their days. Renewing - making as new again. Adam sinned once for all, so all sinned. Christ died once for all, so all might be made alive again - renewed in relationship with the Father of us all.

My goal is to find that place of transformational relationship where I will be able to approve God's acceptable, pleasing and perfect will. I know Adam and Eve enjoyed that place with God daily. May that be a place I long to find in transformation of a renewed mind.

March 3
If I want this idea of a transformed mind to be effective, I have to recognize my obligation to be willing to be transformed.

My mind has functioned as it is for years, becoming over time what it is. I am not sure it is as eager for this transformation as I am. It is familiar with its weirdness and processes.

I Peter calls us to suffer as Jesus did (in death) so we can die to our old way of life and be remade to a new way. Dying is not done without a struggle. We have a innate resistance to the whole concept.

Sometimes only when our inner pain is significant enough do we give in to death.

Being willing to be transformed is a similar struggle. I am afraid it is often only accomplished when the inner pain is so strong that it makes us willing to give in to change. God loves us so much that He allows pain to come to us in the areas He is wanting to have us open up to change. I can fight (and have fought in the past) those changes.

Now I am seeking to open up to change without a fight, recognizing the benefit of avoiding the struggle and resultant pain. God, help me be open to You and Your will for me.

March 4
So do I focus on how not to be conformed to this world or on how to be transformed by renewing my mind?

To be honest, it is much easier to focus on how bad this world is and how to stay away from it. That's the philosophy I grew up with and has shaped my thinking.

I am quick to notice what isn't working, what's dysfunctional, what's evil and wrong. I can point out the problem in a very short time with a practiced eye. That ability is useful at times, but a killer in relationships and long term growth.

There are those who come from an opposite world view who need a healthy dose of reality regarding the mess this world calls "normal". They are the ones who have no sensitivity to the tipping point our culture is nearing. As the world crumbles around them, they slide along until they are caught up in the tumbling avalanche of values.

But, obviously, that's not my problem. I need to focus on the positive transformation available to me. The recognition of Jesus' ability to renew my mind by His purposeful plan for action, not just avoidance. The call to be proactive in clothing myself with His attractiveness in reaching others for Him.

I need to be aware of doing instead of not doing, of living a witness instead of seeing where others fall short, of growing toward His example of mercy, testimony and goodness.

I must be transformed.

Feb 25
Missed sending yesterday's e-mail until I found it in mail-waiting-to-be-sent last night. Don't know how it connects with sacrifice, but it feels dumb to have missed it.

I am too tired to have much to say today. It is early morning after midnight and today is the end of a long day of work and class. I have class again tomorrow at 8:45 am.

The concept of "living sacrifice" has brought me face-to-face with my struggle with time management. This has been a very powerful year for this to happen. As busy as I've been, my sacrificial attitude toward time has had a make-over of sorts.

I do believe that there is always plenty of time to do what God calls us to do. I believe that is true of all of our resources. Plenty if given to "living sacrifice". Not always extra, not always early, but enough and on time. My challenge is refining my life so that I do not waste "plenty" on non-sacrificial things.

So I'm going to go to bed and spend the next 7 hours in "sacrificial slumber".

Feb 26
There are times when a "living sacrifice" means giving up what might have been and embracing what is.

The older I get, the more there is that 'might have been'. It is easy to get caught up in spending precious energy, thought and time regretting, wishing or waiting for what will never be.

This may seem like a downer of a concept, but I think instead it is one of the most freeing aspects of this kind of sacrifice.

To sacrifice those expectations to their unrealistic place allows me to focus on what is. To give it all my effort, expectation and planning. To make sure that the purpose of the present doesn't get lost in the pursuit of the past.

I have so much that is good now in my life that it is nearly blasphemous to wish for that which I messed up or God chose not to allow. My sacrifice of those desires gives me hope, tunes my focus and sets me free.


Feb 27
This journey has been eye-opening for me. I knew going in that it would be life changing if I gave it a month of serious contemplation for each topic. Now, near the end of just 60 days, I am mostly aware of how much I underestimated my need to change.

It makes sense that before change can be effective, I must understand the depth of the need. Even as I have increased hope for the good to follow, I am recognizing the how much change needs to occur.

I find that my sensitivity to wrong thoughts and attitudes has sharpened. I have been checked on a more regular basis regarding the things I am about to say. I feel challenged regarding my commitment to "living sacrifice".

I am becoming more comfortable with where this is taking me. Instead of thinking that I am going to be hemmed in by the restrictions I might sense taking place around my life, I feel like a bobsled rider at the Olympics. The developing boundaries of my world allow me to travel my course without flying out of control. God's boundaries give me a focus and sense of direction that lead to a life of purpose. A life of purpose keeps me from depression and inadequacy.
I am looking forward to where this journey is taking me.

Feb 28
Last night of writing about sacrifice! I am aware that I am still called to be like Paul - to 'die daily'. I know that sacrifice will be a regular and continuous part of my life. Like the best eating plan, it isn't a diet, but a lifestyle.

A sacrificial lifestyle is a matter of attitude. I know that my true "sacrifice" is a pale imitation of Jesus' pattern of life. Once it becomes second nature, the lifestyle that seems so "sacrificial" now will be seen for what it really is, the path to redemption, release and ultimate reward.

What I "give up" becomes what Paul called "dung" in comparison to knowing the richness of Christ. There is not an earthly reward or honor that can match what God has prepared for us in inner peace here and eternal joy with Him there.

Sacrifice for love is pure delight. May my love grow for that which is my greatest delight.

Today I will spend time thinking about what sacrifice is not.
It is not an excuse to feel sorry for myself because of what I have to endure.

It is not an excuse to indulge myself in the sin of pride about how disciplined, righteous, or holy I have become.

It is not an opportunity to let slip how much I am giving up for God. Sacrifice without telling anyone except God is the Biblical model.

It is not an opening for resentment to set in. Sacrifice that is not "living" is, in the end, resented. Resentment leads to self-destructive behavior trying to let others know how much pain we are in or how much we want to hurt the object of our resentment.

Sacrifice is not in any way self-destructive. Self-destructive behavior can look like sacrifice, but in the end is either attention getting or an outlet for anger or both.

I must keep to the middle ground - avoiding the dangers that lie on either edge of the road that leads to transformation by renewal. My goal is healthy thinking, not sacrifice for any other reason.

I have mixed feelings about only having 5 more days to work through this concept of sacrifice. There is so much I haven't finished and likely won't get thoroughly processed. That's both the frustration and the encouragement in this. Never enough resolved and yet the rest of my life to follow this along.

The idea of a 'holy and acceptable' sacrifice is worth another day of thought. I am tempted to be unholy so often that I can feel unacceptable. But there is no sin in the temptation, and resisting the temptation leads to real acceptability in God's eyes.

Holy and acceptable -
Holy - set apart and cleansed for God's use,
Acceptable - allowed into His presence,
my "living sacrifice" is to be cleansed by God, set apart for His use, and familiar with His presence in my life.